I love it when I’m at a person’s house and they care enough about me to tell me a better way to do something or do a thing for me that they know will be for my own good, such as:
- get a drink for me
- they did a certain thing that did wonders for them and it might work for me too
- they have a supersonic cure for all known illnesses and problems and they will let me in on their little secret (let me know if you fit this category)
I love it even more when that person is grown up enough to not get upset if I say:
- Thank you but I’m not thirsty
- That’s really interesting although that is not for me
- can I market your cure-all and make big dollars from it (just kidding – maybe)
So many times I have seen people suffer because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or ask questions because they might be thought a fool. Here’s an example:
In the car with my beloved we may have the air conditioning on high because it’s hot outside and we want to cool quickly. Usually I cool down first and don’t like the fan directly on me so I will point the vent away from me while he can still enjoy the fan and the car still keeps cooling down.
I have solved my own problem and gained comfort in our surroundings.
My partner sees this action and thinks “She’s cold, I want her to be comfortable”, so he turns the fans down and the temperature from Snap Frozen to just – Cool.
This has now changed the dynamic for me again because the whole car is not yet cool enough for me to not have the fan on me, so I speak up “I’m no longer cold because I moved things around to suit me. Did you then move things again to suit me or you?” He confesses that it was for me and we find a mutual happiness with the temperature.
Another example is of a lovely old dear who lost her husband while her nine children were still quite young. She had to take on quite an authoritative manner to keep her tribe in check and these tight ship doesn’t necessarily relax just because the children have all grown up and have children of their own.
I would visit the Sargent Major at her home and expect that my own fair judgement and common sense would be requested. I go to sit down only to be told that I would be more comfortable over in that chair and ensure I put a cushion behind my back. Don’t dig wells in the margarine and isn’t it great to have a washing machine which recycles water, does yours do that? Oh well, be sure and get one so you can save water.
I could have stood my ground or argued my own thoughts but have you ever butt heads with someone who is like that? It doesn’t create sense in them it just creates enemies. I would only visit once in a while and for the short time I would be there standing my ground was not worth worrying about.
So as we are still at the relative beginning of the year take the time to think about your “battles”. Which ones are worth voicing and which are worth just saying “Yes Dear”.